Everyone, particularly children, needs an identity larger than themselves–something they belong to, feel a part of, and gain security and protection from. Children who don’t have this identity from their family are attracted to the traditions, colors, and rituals of gangs or any other identity substitutes.
Every lasting institution has strong traditions, whether it is schools, fraternities or families. Traditions hold families together. Children love to cling and cherish family traditions, not because they are fun, but because they are stable and predictable in an unpredictable world .
Most families have some kind of tradition, even if they are subconscious, that centers on holidays and special occasions. Some parents realize the value of traditions and how they can be used to help children and families bond and improve communication. These parents are able to redefine and refine family traditions in order to strengthen their bonding power.
Reexamine and revise your traditions
Begin by looking at your family’s traditions. What do you do on each holiday . What do you do for each family’s birthday? Are there any weekly traditions such as Sunday dinners? Do you have any monthly traditions? For example, do you go over your family’s calendar each month and review the family’s plans for the next month? You can make a list of all your weekly, monthly, and annual traditions.
As a family, you should ask three questions:
- What traditions bring you joy and how much fun?
- Which values are taught in each tradition?
- Do you notice gaps? Are there months without a birthday or holiday tradition?
These questions will help you to revise your family traditions. These traditions can be formalized by having them written up in a chart or in a book.
Here are some examples of what we experienced during this process of reassessing.
- Some traditions were changed. One example was that we used to eat too much and watch too much football on TV. To shift the focus to gratitude, we made a list of all the things that we are grateful for . We try to break the record each year for the most items we list.
- It was important to have at most one family tradition per month. Many of these were centered around a holiday or birthday, but we didn’t have anything in May or September so we created a “welcome spring day” (a hike) as well as a “welcome fall day” (a picnic).
- All the traditions were listed by month in a large, leather-bound book. On the left, a brief description of each tradition is included and on the right, a child’s illustration depicts the activity.
There are also shorter-range traditions that can be added to the holiday or birthday traditions. Many families observe Sunday or Saturday religious holidays. You may have a traditional way of cooking, getting ready for school, or packing for a vacation.
An illustration of the bonding power traditions have
One example of the “staying power” and bonding effect of family traditions is a personal one. We had always raked large piles of leaves together on my October birthday. Then we jumped in them, put them in our shirts and had a great time. As the children grew older, we thought that their enthusiasm for such an amusing activity would diminish. The opposite was true. As teens, their leaf piles grew. Our oldest son, who was in his first year at college, and our daughter, who was working in a Bulgarian orphanage as humanitarian workers, were both gone. As my birthday approached, I felt like they were missing me. But on my birthday morning, each of them sent me an envelope. I eagerly opened the first envelope from our daughter, wondering what kind she would send.
It was not a card. It was a leaf. It had a Post-it note on it that read, “Dad! This is a Bulgarian Leaf.” I was able to celebrate my tradition thanks to the orphans. Love, Jill. PS: Dad, don’t forget, we’re still family!” Our son also included a leaf. They had not spoken to one another to plan this, but the envelope contained no note. Jason could be thinking, “I’ll just mail Dad a leaf. He’ll know what that means.”
Review your family’s traditions. Are they helping you to teach values and improve communication ? You can adjust and alter your traditions to make them more productive and enjoyable. You can list them alphabetically in a book or on a family calendar to make it easier for them to be planned and anticipated. You should make them a priority until you give them a life.
This article was originally published October 2010, and has since been updated. Photo by NDAB Creativity/Shutterstock
SUCCESS first published the post Family Traditions – Why They’re The Glue of Great Families.