Q. I’ve worked hard for the financial success that I have but I find myself downplaying my achievements in social settings. What is the deal?
A. I found financial footing working as a Bellingham, Washington real estate agent. Although I worked hard, I loved being the primary breadwinner of my husband and son. Although the industry was booming, I found my stride. I felt confident and more self-assured than ever before. Recognizing your growth and letting it shine out on the outside is a rare type of achievement. This is often when someone tries to take it out.
To prepare for tax season , I walked–no I strutted- into my Certified Public Accountant office. This was until he made a sexist joke about me earning the income I earned and what it meant about me as a woman. The room felt strangely stale and oppressive.
I was not bothered by the assumption that strangers made of my husband being our primary earner, even though I had doubled his real estate sales income. We’re not competing with our spouses and society assumptions are just that. This CPA, whom I had been working with for years, made a sarcastic comment about the financial gains that I had worked so hard for. It caused me a lot of pain and anger. I fired him.
It doesn’t matter if we feel shame about our financial successes or if we allow others to shame us. This is a breach in trust with ourselves. I could have been congratulated by that CPA for my record-setting sales years. Instead, he projected insecurity or frustration. That’s something I cannot control. It is impossible to control who I allow into my personal and business lives. This includes me.
Although I was shocked at his inconsiderate words, can you imagine what it would be like if I spoke them to myself? We are often shocked at how others talk to us, but our internal monologues can be even more abrasive. This can be magnified in the financial world. After a hard month, you can indulge in a spa day and feel so guilty that you don’t enjoy it. You don’t want your achievements to be seen as boastful in a social setting.
It is a significant piece of human achievement, even more so for women. To build our nest eggs , understand how to invest and give back our communities . And, most importantly, to know that we can take care of ourselves fully and completely.
This starts by aligning with yourself and listening to your inner voice. Your inner monologue will be changed to one that is full of joy, support, and confidence. As a woman, I felt that taking care of others was more important than my own. I gave money, time, career choices and energy to others at the expense my own. Financial stability, and even financial success, is not something to be ashamed of. It’s a sign of self-love as well as achievement and diligence. Your gifts are a gift to the world. You can make yourself smaller and give the world that gift.
This article first appeared in the November/December 2022 issue SUCCESS magazine. Photos courtesy Debbie Biery
The post Dear Debbie – Why do I downplay my hard-earned success in social settings? was first published on SUCCESS.