Are you afraid of what might happen? Have you ever held back on making a change or taking chances because you were afraid of what might happen? Are you afraid of being rejected or ruffled? Have you ever kept quiet when you wanted to speak up? Have you ever thought, I wish that I had the courage to speak up?
You’re not the only one who has.
We are wired to be cautious as human beings. Avoid situations that could lead to us feeling foolish, lost or failing. Our need for security and certainty can be a hindrance to our desire for growth, adventure and fulfillment.
I wish I had the courage. We often think that courage is something only the lucky few possess. This is false. All the courage and strength you need to make a change in your life, work relationships, or career is within you.
It’s just that you don’t know how to get there. Yet.
This is because I have spent a lot of my life learning to find my courage and rise above the fear that can easily take our freedom away and keep us from our happiness. From dealing with the challenges I never would have chosen (experiencing an armed robbery and numerous family tragedies) to those I’ve willingly taken on (having four children in five years while moving around the world), I’ve discovered that courage is a skill. It can be learned and mastered , just like any skill. To prove it, I have spent many years working with CEOs and trailblazing entrepreneurs.
Consider courage as a muscle. Even the smallest weights may be difficult to lift if you have never lifted weights before. You can lift heavier weights if you work out regularly.
How can you get beyond bumper stickers and T-shirt slogans like “Just Do it,” “Live Strong”, or “Be Brave”? How can you take that bold leap of faith to overcome a seemingly overwhelming fear barrier? This guide will help you become brave and fearless in the face risk.
1. Find out your reason.
Ask yourself the following question: “For what purpose?” Without a guarantee of success, nothing worthwhile can be achieved. Life is full of risk. You must be clear about your reasons for taking risks.
Our brains are wired to see more what we can lose than what we may gain. Before you are able to lose something, you must be clear on what you want to gain. What are you willing and able to risk your reputation, pride, position, or vulnerability for? Only when your desire to have something more than your safety is possible can you overcome the fears that are hardwired into your brain to keep you safe from these dangers.
Justine Flynn, along with her co-founders, launched Thankyou in 2008, thanks to a big and inspiring “why”. Straight out of college, they had no clue what they were doing. Flynn shared with me that she and her cofounders were passionate about helping the poor get clean water. This is something we take for granted. Flynn and her cofounders weren’t afraid to fail. Their desire to make an impact was greater than their fear of failing. They have raised almost $18 million over 14 years to help fund their goal of ending extreme poverty.
2. Face your fears.
Fear is often criticized. Its only purpose is to warn you about potential dangers to your safety. In today’s culture, fear can make it difficult to discern between the fears that serve us and those that are oppressing us.
People end up being too cautious and unwilling to take risks that could lead to more fulfilling lives. We can let go of our fears and see the real cost of not acting, which helps us to loosen our grip on fear. This allows us to more accurately assess risk and determine the best path forward even if it isn’t the most convenient or easiest.
My younger sister Anne, a physician, called me six weeks before her wedding to tell me that she was questioning whether or not to marry her fiancé. She loved the man she was about to marry but she felt less inspired by the thought of sharing her life with him. I asked her what she thought about ending the relationship and calling off wedding plans. She said that she couldn’t. It would kill him. It would also kill me.” Anne was understandably afraid of the consequences of breaking off her engagement. However, I reminded Anne that just because it was difficult to do doesn’t mean that it wasn’t right.
Anne broke off her engagement after much soul-searching. Although it was the most difficult thing she had ever done, it taught Anne that she is more courageous than she believed. This knowledge gave her the confidence to follow her dream and join Doctors Without Borders. Nine months after her wedding was postponed, she was running a Darfur hospital that provided refuge for internally displaced Sudanese refugees. Anne has been married to the man she dreams of and is now preparing for her third child. She has also done remarkable work in public health all over the world.
We are not all called to go to war zones, or to start social enterprises. We are all called to contribute in our own way to the world. Ask yourself this question before you continue reading. Allow your imagination to fly and let your heart open to whatever it leads you to. No matter how daunting or insignificant your vision may seem, you know that you have all the resources necessary to make it a reality , one day, one courageous act of courage .
3. Be confident in your abilities
With three children under 4, including an 8-week old, I moved from Australia to Dallas in October 2001 with Andrew, my husband. Andrew had been offered a job. It was difficult because I was 10,000 miles from my family and had very little support.
Six months later, I was able to evade my mother’s guilt and enjoy a few days without children with my husband. To escape the chaos caused by young children, I performed a visualization exercise imagining my 10 year dream life. It would draw upon my psychology background and my interest in Fortune500 businesses. I also knew that it would align with my passion to help people live bravely. I imagined myself creating a new career helping people live better lives and leave a lasting impression on the world.
My disbelief was surpassed by the fact that what appeared to be clear as day was actually four faces, not three. To reset the image, I remember slapping my forehead. My husband was working long hours and I was often away on travel, so my family was already stretched thin. How could I pursue a new career while also having a fourth child? That image was clear and compelling. My dream life was about raising a large family and pursuing my passions outside the home. While I was afraid of not being able to have both, I knew deep down that I could regret not trying to have a fourth.
Matthew Raymond, our little Texan, arrived just over a year later. Now I live my calling in ways that I couldn’t have imagined in 2002. Even though I am juggling more balls now than I could have imagined, it has only strengthened my belief that when we dare to pursue our boldest dreams , then we can see how creative, courageous, and capable we really are. My family discovered in 2016 that it’s only by pushing our limits that we can grow. Only by being more courageous and trusting ourselves can we unleash the potential within us and bring out our brilliance on the world.
4. Embrace uncertainty.
My father, a modest dairy farmer with a generous spirit, used to tell me the following: “Better the Devil you know than the Devil you don’t.” I was 16 when I left school and worked as a milk cow milker for many years. His advice struck me at the tension between living a full-hearted life and living comfortably.
Any change, no matter how positive, is inherently uncomfortable. It requires you to give up the comfort of the familiar for and embrace the unknown of the new. Many people prefer to sleepwalk their adult lives, remaining in miserable jobs or being in lonely relationships. They choose the devil that they know better than the one they don’t. This is because they fear they might be worse off than before.
But at what price? We are willing to accept our inaction or indecision as a price and live a much smaller life than we can. All the while, our dreams fade, passion wanes and doors close. Talent sleeps, and we live a life that is less than what we are capable of.
The ultimate tragedy is a life that’s not lived.
5. Start small and think big.
It takes less than one minute to feel overwhelmed by the distance between where you are now and where you want it to be. You need to break down your vision into small, achievable steps that you can accomplish in the short-term, no matter how ambitious it is.
Martin Luther King Jr. stated, “You don’t have to see all the steps, you just need to take the first one.” Tracey Webber, founder of EAT!, found that this strategy worked well for her. Tracey and Tracey in Charlottesville, Virginia. Webber, a successful sales executive, became increasingly unhappy with her job in the tech sector despite the lucrative annual bonus and secure salary. Webber wanted to make a career change and pursue her passion for nutrition coaching. However, she didn’t know where to begin.
I asked her, “What is the first thing that you could do?”
She said, “I could research the training programs and find people who have been successful in this field.” “And I could create a financial plan that would help me bridge the income gap until my business is established.
Webber built her business to include many consultants who help people live better lives through better nutrition. It was because she dare to think big and start small, and to trade the safety of the familiar for the possibilities that inspire her most. Webber says that although her business is no more active, it was the starting point to making changes in her own life.
I felt more at home when I launched my online TV show. There was a huge gap between what I saw and what I wanted for the show five year later. I started with small steps. I bought the domain name, found a web designer, scripted the first dozen episodes and sourced videographers. I also reached out to people on my wish list.
It was a massive undertaking. It was a huge undertaking. But, I believe we shouldn’t wait to know everything before diving in. I am certain that I will be more successful in a year than if opportunity knocked at my door.
Focus on the next day or week if you feel overwhelmed by your dreams. Next week, and the week following that, do the exact same thing. You can make a 90-day plan, and then schedule the steps you need to take. It is better to move slowly than to stay stagnant. Action can be the best antidote for fear. It is possible to get past fear by getting to the root of it.
6. Embody your inner bravery.
Let’s be honest: Being courageous does not mean that you don’t have knots in your stomach, a lump or chattering teeth, but rather that your palms are sweaty and your stomach is full. Fearlessness is not the goal. Fear less is what it’s all about.
All of us have the potential for greatness. Sometimes, we have become so invested in a story that it is difficult to see the best part of ourselves.
This is a small experiment.
As if there was a string running through your head, stand tall and strong. Your shoulders should be back. Wear a quiet smile on your face. Lift your chin up and gaze upward. Keep your stomach firm. Standing with your feet shoulder-width apart, stand tall. Imagine taking three deep, slow breaths. Relax and feel that sensation. Keep your hand on your fist.
Once you have found your strength, you can visualize yourself doing what you know will inspire you the most. You can imagine yourself being bold and confident. Imagine your surroundings reacting to you and describing you as someone to look up to.
Feel the power in that moment. It is yours to hold onto. Keep it in your heart. It is yours.
You can be your bravest and most courageous self every day. Be strong. Only then will you see that you didn’t need to be afraid at all. You already had the courage.
This article first appeared in the January 2017 issue SUCCESS magazine. It has since been updated. Photo by
SUCCESS first published the post How Badly Do you Want the Life You Dream of?